I’m going to use a word that seems to be really unpopular, and can almost instantly create waves of eye rolling. The G Word. Gifted. It’s amazing the looks and comments that word brings, which is why I rarely use it. But, fact of the matter is, I have a gifted child. A highly gifted child. And at some point I’ve realized that if I am afraid to utter the word, I’m sending her a message that it’s something to keep a secret or be ashamed of, and it’s not. It’s just a fact – she has blonde hair, brown eyes, is tall for her age and is gifted. Plain. Simple. Matter of fact.
Here is my take on gifted – it doesn’t make you better, it doesn’t make you worse, it just means you might be wired a bit differently, and therefore act and think a bit differently. Again, not better, not worse, just different. And anyone who has parented a gifted child knows that it can be very amusing, but is also very exhausting – staying one step ahead of someone who at age four can reason better than you at thirty something, can wear one out. Anyone who thinks that a gifted child must be easy, cooperative or super motivated at school, probably hasn’t spent much time with gifted kids.
People are often surprised when they find out how we discovered our daughter was gifted – we didn’t go looking to have that title attached to her, as so many assumed. We thought she had ADHD or some other issue, and through that assessment process we came across what made her beat to a different drum (one that plays double time). We didn’t work with her, use flash cards or teach her to read early. She was tested at age four, when her only form of education had been a warm and loving play based preschool. When told that she would need special academic accommodations, we sort of wrote it off, telling ourselves she was just a normal kid, she didn’t need to be in some “gifted” classroom. Ah, hindsight – it truly is 20/20.
It is a big part of your world when it’s a big part of who your child is. Just like my daughter with special needs is different, so is my daughter who is gifted. We are very fortunate to live in one of the best possible school districts in our state for gifted education, and she is able to be in a self contained rapidly accelerated class that lets the kids move at their own pace. It also allows for them to have a true peer group with which they can identify – something that is a blessing equal, if not more than, having advanced academics. I can (and in the past have) accelerate her work at home, but I can not make her fit in and be accepted by other kids. To anyone who might read this who is considering a self contained program (or something similar), you can not underestimate the value in these kiddos having a group of peers who also have great ideas, strong wills, intense personalities and want to be in charge. As they say, it is priceless.
I will be talking about raising a gifted kiddo here, as it’s very much a part of my life and the issues I address each day. Dealing with the intense and persistent personality, the perfectionism and frustration that comes when something doesn’t come easily and the fact that she can out argue me, which is certainly a parenting challenge. I don’t chat about it much in my day to day “real life”, so this is where some vents, frustrations, celebrations and revelations may show up.
Here are some websites about gifted kids that I recommend…
SENG – Supporting Emotional Needs Of The Gifted
National Association For Gifted Children
Amen sister. You have to know the “code words” when feeling out a new person. Does that person get it? Or does that person think that gifted is a dirty word or that it’s high-achieving only? These kids are advanced parenting and are absolutely exhausting beyond words. I’m now homeschooling our 2e son, simply because the school could not and would not help. It’s the best thing for him, but dang…did I mention gifted kids were exhausting? LOL
Welcome to the wonderful world of gifted! How exciting you found a place at school where she is accommodated! I definitely view the “g” word as one of need, rather than of worth. Good luck with your journey (as you already figured out, it will come in handy!).
I hear you loud an clear and feel the same way. It wasn’t until we entered school that I realized that it was not “ok” to mention giftedness. The sad part was this was from other parents of gifted children. I was in total disbelief. Part of it was just embarrassment, part of it was they felt that providing anything extra for their children meant that something else would be taken away from the other children.
So I learned what I could and eventually joined professional organizations, rose through their ranks and began teaching parents, teachers and administrators about giftedness. A little education can go a long, long way. Still, the myths persist.
It is a cultural and political norm right now to focus on the underachievers and under-performers. I get that, But it leaves the middle and high performers with little focus. The paradigm shift that needs to take place is to see each child as an individual and to educate them that way.
When we stop schooling by age and shift to abilities things will change. Children are not all created equal and trying to send them down the assembly line of educational life by manufacture date is ludicrous.
Be proud of each of your daughters for their individuality. Teach them to honor themselves and that being gifted is just part of who they are. Do tell explain giftedness as it is not something they will “outgrow”. And my hope is that we can change our educational goals for the future to see people as individuals not as age-mates in an institution but to separate entities with uniqueness all their own that needs nurturing and encouragement.
I am so excited to find your blog through GHF! I have a 4 year old daughter, who like yours, we took in for a behavioral evaluation (at 3) expecting something else. Anything but gifted! It really was quite a surprise. We’ve learned so much in the past year yet feel in the dark. It’s not like you can easily talk about with real life friends….at least I can’t. I look forward to reading more on your blog. If you ever have a spare second, please feel free to drop by my blog and check out my little lady. Your girls are precious!
You are right on. I didn’t understand what was going on with my little boy…why was Kindergarten so difficult? Why am I being told my kid is going to be a hoodlum and that I needed the Super Nanny (thanks for the advice, kindergarten-teacher-who-never-married-or-had-kids)? My son turned out to be highly gifted – we found out in June. I also just found out it’s a “bad word” and there is so much to learn about what it all means.
I’d love to hear about your school district (where are you??) and how they are meeting these kiddo’s needs. So far, we’ve had no luck in Los Angeles…still wondering if we are going to homeschool full time next year (sigh)
Wow… In a very similar boat as you… Quite frankly, you tOok the words right out of my mouth about your daughter…. Our son is gifted too,but it is very different with boys…. I am adding you to my blog roll.. Can”t wait to see where you go…
My kids are 11, 16, and 18…I’ve struggled with each in different ways. Gifted children are also more diverse from one another than children in the normal range of IQ. There is no “one size fits all” answer to how to raise them!
My oldest needed the peer group most of all, and we found it at The Davidson Institute’s summer THINK! program. It was only three weeks a year, but my now college-aged child has a network of friends from all over the country and the world with whom to chat on Skype, or share with on Facebook. A lifesaver.
Thanks for your post! I will tune in for more!
All too true! We have a “GT” 7 y.o. son and “GT” 4 y.o. daughter. What state/school district are you in? You are lucky to have found a great program. We are considering homeschooling at this point…..
I am enjoying your blog and wanted to drop by to say hello. We are realizing in an unfort way (Behaviour issues) that our child is prob ‘gifted’. We have him in a Montessori program that he excels at his own pace. It is so hard to praise a highly intelligent child on one hand and on the other, be so utterly frustrated with his behavior on the other. The fun add on to him is he is medically disabled. So we have all the fun rolled into one child. He has been blessed with Short Bowel syndrome and he is doing well and living asymptomatic of it. (of course – his body is a genius with living with this too – haha) We keep going back to long ago when he was born, living in the NICU. we simply took care of a baby with tubes and meds, etc.. we were robbed of being able to love and coddle him. This rears its ugly head time and time again and will cont to do so in the future. its the Empathy we have an issue with and wonder if he has ODD. I think i am just rambling here now but i wanted to share that i love your blog and wanted to share that you are not alone. That NORMAL is different for everyone/every family its just all about perspective and how you handle it each day.
OHHHH I am so glad to have found you! We are newly ID at age 5 and I am already worn out! Found out super fast friends are not nice at the mention of the G word. That kinda pisses me off! I see and comment on all their “brag” posts about the great athlete, star musician or amazing artist they are raising… I mention that my child tested gifted and suddenly I am bragging. If only they could live through the temper, perfectionism, bordum at school where there is no funding and next to no help etc etc etc. I feel defeated and alone! Thank you for creating a space for parents like me!