For the overwhelming majority of my life, I have never really cared about feeling a sense of belonging with cliques or groups. I think middle school was probably the last time/place I really cared about it, which I think is a middle school requirement. Once I moved on to high school I had a lot of friends across the whole spectrum of groups, from the “stoners” (a technically correct term, at least from the 80′s), to the “jocks” to the “nerds”, from the in crowd to the loners. I don’t think I really belonged with any crowd, probably because there really wasn’t a glam rock hairband honor roll clique. I worked full time in college and barely had time to study, much less have a social life, so no groups there. Graduate school didn’t seem to have any cliques (that I was aware of) and everyone interacted more on a co-worker type of level.
As a new mom I tried a few mommy groups, but really once I found a few good mommy friends, I was good with just that. Park, playdates, the mall – they all were great with just one other mom and the kids. I’ve really never done the PTA type thing, and if I have time to volunteer at school, I tend to want to spend it in the classroom (though that time is rare).
Professionally, I have worked from home for over 15 years. A long time. One job had semi-annual meetings around the country, and I probably did have a bit of a clique I was close to when we had our regional meetings, but that group always changed as people would leave and new ones would come in. For the past ten years I’ve been self employed, so no cliques in this work environment.
As I’ve evolved into blogging for my full time profession, I have started to realize that there are indeed cliques, especially among food bloggers. It took me a while for them to even make it on to my radar, but sure enough, they have. And for some reason, it’s the first time being on the outside of a social group seems to bug me a bit. I politely interact with a number of them on social media regularly, but clearly have not made it into the cool baking girl clique.
I’m really not sure why this bothers me. This stuff never bothers me. I guess it’s possibly a desire to connect with my peers, those who are doing what I am doing. It’s rare I meet another blogger, much less a food blogger, so I guess there is a sort of “wanting to find my tribe”, those who identify with food prop storage issues, recipe development, photography equipment, working with brands and pr reps, things like that. I think knowing that there is indeed a group (probably groups) who do share those things, makes me long to be a part of something in a way that I really haven’t before.
And to play play devil’s advocate, many of the food blog gals have met each other in person at events and conferences. They live near each other and get together in person. They spend a lot of time on each others blogs commenting and cross promoting. I have certainly tried to do the same, though after a while the lack of reciprocity starts to become apparent (as in that reciprocity occurs, just selectively, and I’m not selected). My reality is that I barely have time to write my own blog, must less spend great amounts of time on the blogs of others. I wish I did, but this whole special needs parenting thing kind of takes most of your time and energy and I struggle to just keep up with the basics.
So really, why should I be a part of these groups, I don’t put much in, that makes sense. Plus I’m really not good at that whole sucking up to be accepted thing.
I do find it interesting that it’s even on my radar, given how little importance belonging to cliques or groups has had in my life. Why does not being in the “in” group of baking bloggers bother me? At the end of the day I blog for myself, my readers and the brands I work with, and I feel like those are great relationships. And I have met some awesome bloggers who I really like. If I enjoy what I do, if my readers are happy and I’m growing and cultivating relationships with brands, that really is what matters. The thousands of people who visit my site for recipes and ideas each week should matter more than a dozen or so other bloggers. Really clicks should matter more than cliques.
Now I must add that there are some awesome bloggers that I have connected with , some of them food bloggers and many of them in different areas, so I don’t want to sound like I haven’t found some really really cool gals who I truly enjoy interacting with.
What this all does make me realize is that as the mother of girls, that whole clique thing is something that will probably play an increasing role in our lives. Maybe this is that “get in touch with the feelings of it” type of things to help my girls navigate their paths. There’s always a reason, maybe that is reason enough. 
I’m not in your same niche with blogging but I know what you mean. Not sure when blogging became the World Series of Blogging where we all sit at a virtual table with sunglasses, not making eye contact, not talking, keeping our cards close to the vest all while pretending we like each other. But, in many instances that’s what it feels like.
I wish I could give a “thumbs up” to Sara’s comment – that’s exactly how I feel (I’m also not in your niche – I’m in the crafting/DIY field, and believe me, there’s a lot of clique-ness there…
I just clicked over from your Behind the blog post, which I LOVED by the way. I totally know how you feel. I live in Phoenix, and even among the AZ bloggers there are cliques. I live on the wrong side of town to really be in any of them, but that’s okay. I do my own thing, but sometimes it is hard to feel left out. It’s also nice to have blog friends that truly get what you do. Most people’s eyes glaze over if you start talking about unique visitors, retweets, and all the other blogging/social media jargon. I love finding other local bloggers, so maybe sometime we’ll get to meet for real.
Hi Ashley! First I just popped over to your blog and the cuteness of your kids and the Halloween costumes and darling bags about did me in. LOVE IT. And I totally just bought that same frosting in the freezer section! So glad you stopped by to say hi, excited to hear you are in Phoenix! I’m so unconnected with other bloggers here, just have my dear blogger friend at Saving For Someday who I met through our daughters – two blogger kids became BFFs – score for the mama bloggers!. Nice to meet you, and thrilled to find your awesome blog!
I clicked over from your ‘behind the blog’ post, which was fantastic. Regarding this post i totally understand. It’s exactly the same here, i live in the Irish Countryside with (as far as I’m aware) no other food bloggers in my town, It’s really not that kind of town and as a 22 year old mummy to one it does get frustrating as it’s not as if i can pick up and run too Dublin to meet some of the fantastic bloggers in my niche. I’m just hoping as i become more established I’ll get more opportunities to meet some of the other fabulous food bloggers in my area (if there are any).
Oh Christi there is so much I want to say. How about I just leave it at “I’m so darn glad that we’re friends.” I wish we lived closer and could hang out at Chick Fil A with a Diet Coke.
xoxo- K
Hi Christi,
I am also a Phoenix gal (Gilbert,actually), and somehow I had not seen your blog. I am glad I found you, another “Zonie”! I have a bllog, but it is very neglected. I spend more time reading other blogs, baking and decorating cookies, baking other treats, taking care of my family, home, and doing that for my 88 year old mom in NM. And I have ornaments I sell in an Etsy shop and locally. Anyway, I relate to your post here, and as the mom of a 16 year old girl (and 19 year old boy), you WILL unfortunatley be talking about and dealing with cliques, and just general “girl issues”, as my other moms of girls and I call it. Isn’t it too bad we can’t all support each other, with open minds, hearts, and arms? Anyway, happy to meet you and keep on blogging, loved the ABC Cake Shop post on the other blog. That place is a wonderland!
Love ya Katrina and wow that would be SO divine.
Maybe that should be our blog conference, we’ll just meet up somewhere in the middle. Chick Fil A, Diet Coke and good company.
That idea wins at life
But when you think about it, you’re really the rebel, that’s a cool thing to be!
All the cross promoting can make blogs a wee bit inaccessible – but it’s really cool that yours is so easy to engage in!
Hi! I found this blog through a link on your food blog and this post especially caught my eye. I’ve been away from blogging for a few years and am just getting back to it. I love it but I’ve noticed quite the same thing and never really thought of whether it bothered me or not, or atleast acknowledged that it bothered me, but I think in a way it kind of does. What bothers me is the wonder of, “Is my blog missing something?” “Am I lacking talent or just some wow factor that draws readers/bloggers to these other more popular bloggers and blogs?” So I definitely feel you!
Wow! I thought it was just me. I’m not a blogger, but because of my business, I interact with many. I can def see (and experienced) this. Kudos to you!